Good afternoon everyone, I’m going to be writing a very personal post for a change. I’ve been thinking about addressing the topic of self-harm for a while now, as it’s something I’ve experienced; and what better day than today?

Most of you don't know, I’ve been bullied practically my whole life. Throughout Elementary, middle, high school even into my young adult hood. Due to the bullying, I developed depression and a huge case of self-loathing over the years. The bullying got so bad that I was home schooled my freshmen and sophomore year. I started self-harming as such, when I was around 13-14. It was a very, very dark place in my life.

I’m not going to go into the details of where I cut, how I cut and all that; it doesn’t matter. I cut because I wanted to hurt myself, I hated myself and my life so much that I felt pain was a sort of punishment for me. It was also a way to let out my anger I had building up inside me, I had no one to talk to. So cutting was a way to release some of the pain.

As the bullying continued, my self-loathing developed into Body Dysmorphia; I was an absolute wreck! I was still depressed more than ever, by the time I was 16 I had tried to overdose twice on sleeping pills  and slicing my wrist. I know some of you may not know that, but yep.. Again, no help was looked for, for me. Looking back I think, why the hell didn’t I look for help myself? But, the idea of a therapist scared me.
My mom saw my cuts a few weeks after the above happened, she saw them by mistake and just thought they were cat scratches. I remember the stress of hiding the cuts in school and work.I know people who’ve cut before also, but didn’t do it on their arms like me. They cut everywhere from their thighs, to their stomach

Over the years, I’ve built up a really, really thick skin. I’m a complete Marmite person; you either love me or hate me! I’m cool with that too, most of the time. People judge me wayyy too harshly and it irritates me. People that I’ve met has told me how nice and friendly I was to them. There’s nothing more amazing than meeting someone, who likes what you do.. it’s the best feeling in the world! I’m a very strong-minded person I realise that, as most of you know. If I believe in something, I’ll say it. I’m the first person to stick up for myself, and others for that matter. I received abuse daily, which doesn’t hurt me at all nowadays to be honest. I think if you hear something enough, you become numb to it’s harshness..

I’m starting to ramble, so I’ll just get to the point, it sounds so bloody cliché but things do get better! Even if you’re still dealing with unnecessary shit off people constantly, YOU can change YOU. Almost like training yourself to not be bothered by people’s slags and trying to make the best out of you. If you self-harm, or are suffering from depression, the best thing you can do is talk to someone. Tell a friend, a best friend or maybe an older sibling. I find parents to be a bit judgemental when it comes to things like this, they immediately assume you’re doing it because of the music you listen to/people you hang out with bla bla bla. Just TELL SOMEONE! Take it from someone who bottled all of these feelings up for years, you end up exploding with anger. It doesn’t help anybody.

If you cut, those scars will be there forever. I had most of mine tattooed over,  I’m getting another tattoo to cover the rest. I wanna get the ‘Fighter script, because the song Fighter by Christina Aguilera (yep, I know..) gave me courage and strength. I remember listening to that song constantly, and adoring the lyrics and feeling like I could be who I wanted to be, and forget about the rest of arseholes bringing me down. To this day, the song still gives me the strength. It means a lot to me, every time I look down at my scars, I see ‘Fighter’ now.. I feel instantly strong and encouraged to be a happy person.

If you know a friend cuts, or are suspicious of one, talk to them and be out-straight about it. Don’t go accusing every person you see wearing 40 bracelets now, of being a cutter but sure.. it’s better to be safe, than sorry? If it wasn’t for me opening up to my friends about my problems, I probably wouldn’t be writing this right now.

If you’ve managed to read this whole post, well done haha! I just thought I’d share my experience and advice with you guys, and briefly talk about my past. Trust me, it gets better.. it really does. Physically hurting yourself is not worth it, every time you feel the need to cut, distract yourself with doing something else with your hands - sounds weird, but it works. Whether it be cooking, reading, typing.. whatever. 

I hope this has helped some of you, or maybe just helped you all get to know me better. I always find it helps reading someone else’s experience anyway. :)